The Sherma Effect

“Love you to bits!”

I sometimes forget that my Grandma Sherma isn’t related by blood. She’s my grandma, of course, because she’s my grandma. You know? But every once in a while she’ll mention some hereditary condition and for a split second I’ll panic that I will also be susceptible before I remember…we are related by marriage.

There are some people in your life who you know have been on this journey with you before. Because there is no way that we can have so much love for the friends or family in our lives that we’ve only known for decades, some connections have lasted many, many lifetimes.

This is how I feel about my Grandma Sherma. We’ve definitely done this dance together before, and we truly just adore one another. Our relationship is the perfect reminder that your family is whoever brings out the best in you, whoever loves you unconditionally, and whoever makes you feel safe enough to be your complete, authentic, and unmasked self. My favorite thing about her is her absolute joy in learning more about the people she loves and the world around her.

After years and years of witnessing her spark, I realized she wasn’t just encouraging her loved ones. She reflected their best selves back to them.

I call it The Sherma Effect.

Sherma and Kell, 1991

Delightfully Human

It doesn’t matter whether you’ve taken first place in a marathon or remembered to fill up your car with gas; Sherma will gas you up either way (that means cheering you on). She is genuinely so thrilled to hear about your successes and is the perfect confidant with whom to share your struggles. Our conversations tend to go something like this:

“Hey, Sweetheart! It’s been so long since I’ve talked to ya. How the heck are you? How are Danny and Jo and Daisy? How’s Kyle? How was the (insert random event here)?”

Keep in mind, we talk regularly. Weekly for sure, if not more. But there’s always more to talk about with Sherms.

Then, I’ll gab for a few minutes, sharing both big and small details from the last few days.

“Hi, Grandma! It’s been so great….(fill in life updates here).”

She will squeal in delight and remind me that there is still good in the world- mostly because she’s in it.

“Oh my goodness, that is incredible. You are just so busy. I don’t know how you do it all. I am so proud of you and Danny is so bright and brilliant and Jo is so feisty and stunning and Daisy is the sweetest girl I’ve ever met. Except for you, of course. It’s no wonder, really. I just love you all to bits”

We will chit-chat about life, her pinochle group, and my writing. We will often talk about woo-woo stuff, sharing articles or catching up on what the stars have in store for us this week. She remains curious and open to learning new things about herself and the world around her, even after many years of growth and progress. A poignant reminder that our minds and hearts can remain open to new things so long as we refuse to close them.

I am absolutely unstoppable after chatting with my grandma. She makes me feel like I could take on the world with nothing more than my mind and attitude. I know she has an unshakeable faith in me and the rest of her loved ones. It pours out of her effortlessly.

Several years ago, Sherma and I took Danny and Jo to St. George, Utah, for a Fall Break trip. We saw “Matilda the Musical” at Tuacahn Theater and spent the weekend going here and there and having a lovely time. At one point, Jo had such a meltdown that I needed to remove her from the fun. She was tired and hungry and grumpy and absolutely overstimulated. I was mortified that she was behaving that way, and decided to hang out with her in the car while Danny and Sherma meandered through a few more shops.

When they returned, Jo had calmed down, and I apologized profusely. Unsurprisingly, Sherma made me feel better immediately. She went on and on about how impressed she was that I was so calm and that I was such an amazing mom and that we had so much fun that day, and she was getting exhausted, so OF COURSE Jo must be deliriously tired. My dysregulated nervous system thanked her and regulated itself enough to make it back to her condo. Feeling safe enough to be human should be the rule, but at that time in my life, it was absolutely the exception. Sherma often reminds me (and others) of my worth, and this story has stayed with me for almost a decade.

Matilda the Musical at Tuacahn Theater, 2018

Sharing Her Secret

We could use more of the Sherma Effect in the world. It costs us nothing to cheer one another on. Somewhere along the way, we’ve started treating encouragement like a limited resource, as though celebrating someone else’s joy somehow leaves less for us. It doesn’t. If anything, delight multiplies.

And what I’ve found is that the more I unabashedly, without hesitation, and with much enthusiasm cheer on the folks in my bubble, the more we all realize that discovering our full potential is often nothing more than a slight mindset shift.

So, I encourage you to channel your inner Sherma this week. When someone shares something special with you, delight in it. Ask questions. Tap into an insatiable curiosity. Become their ultimate hype-gal. Only allow them to leave the conversation once they feel like an unstoppable force of good that can save the world.

Sherma talks to grown adults the same way I wish every child were spoken to. Our babies are mirrors- how we respond to good (and bad) news is how they internalize their self-worth. They may be a part of our world, one with competing priorities and never-ending to-do lists. But to them, the grown-ups in their lives are their entire world. They deserve our energy and excitement. We are their first cheerleaders and will use our responses to their lives as a measuring stick for their worth as they grow up and create new relationships. Let’s make sure their self-worth is unshakeable.

Sherma isn’t just encouraging. She reflects people’s best selves back to them. She celebrates, she notices, she assumes good. And in doing so, her ripple is healing the world.

I hope every person gets at least one Sherma in their lifetime. Better yet, I hope we all become one for someone else.

Sending lots of love,

Kell